i guess my last post was supposedly too emo.
even though it wasn't meant to be like that.
was just a blbabber of what i was thinking and blah blah blah.
i wasn't that down or whatever at all.

Anyway, on a lighter note. I'm not working today!
I'm rather happy (even though it's cause i'm sick) and my boss say she wants to charge me 150 for not turning up last min -according to airport conditions. like what the hell?! haha. and also canse if i don't go work she'll lose sales.
although i know she's joking...
well, anyway,
my cousin's uncle, or so to speak emailed me a list of qns he's q sure would help me do well for the interview. and even though i'm so thankful, i'm so freaked out by it too!! it's crazy...

i hate qns where i have to talk about my weakness, what i want from life...blah blah blah..my future.

i mean these qns i know are stuff i've talked it before to various random ppl and stuff, but in front of ppl whom you don't know and to make it sound professional??! that's the worse thing ever.

oh well....shall starat thinking about how i should prepeare for it...

what's going on in my friend's lives?

i think i'm a really lousy friend.
i just have so many commitments, i don't have time to rest enough and still have time to meet up with my friends.
i guess maybe it's just an excuse i give to myself all the time, but to a certain extent i think maybe they're not really that interested to meet up also.

not that i'm grumbling/complaining about them( although maybe i am abit), but i just have a very me/myself and i life now. i don't know why, but i just like doing things for ppl. maybe in a bad sense it just makes me satisfied that i'm doing stuff for others, that they're making use of me. and all that fills me up and make me feel better. i think that must be it. i don't think i'm that generous/almighty/wonderful to be so sacrificial. it's rather sad actually.

but maybe i have really weird thoughts because there's no proper avenue for me tell someone how i feel. maybe there is if i try. but it's not comforting enough or maybe subconsciously i'm just blocking everyone out because i wish for something that might never come true.

sometimes i don't think i ask for much, but i understand it's hard to give/get ( depending on which party you're looking at). The other time favril and veendo sent me home, favril was talking about how i don't trust ppl easily (amongst many other things he sees even though we don't talk much). i never thought of it that way but i think i'm starting to do so. and maybe that's why i relate to ave maria so much.

i wish the day would come when i can just tell whatever i feel. but there's the danger of losing the friendship(if you can call it that) totally and i don't want that to happen. sigh. the decisions one has to make in life.

hmm...
i'm reading this book called big stone gap. It's rather real and imaginable and all that stuff, and i wonder if i'll ever turn out like that.
anyway, yesterday after the dinner i just had a lot of my mind.
i can't phrase my thoughts. goodness.
but anyway, in the book, ave maria was talking about how she wanted to tell theodore (her best friend) that if everyone was dying on these earth, and she could only save one person...she'd definitely save him without thinking. but she didn't.
I think so. can't remember exactly.
it's rather cliche maybe, but a great part of the book just brings alot of thoughts into one's mind..

hellooo..
going to nus/smu with huiying and some of the class ppl later i think.
i'm seriously actually q lazy to cause i bet i'll have to spend more than 2 bucks on my one way trip there and it's so far away. and this huiying will always be late...and i'll have to stand ard like an idiot waiting for her.
anyway,
before i go i think i'll go to see the chinese doctor first cause i hurt my back.
and i'm rather upset about this stupid hurt back.
it better get better by next wk. i'm so intent and excited for next wk's game.
you know i haven't even decided what course i want to do in spore/actually i don't even know what's there to do.
gosh. i know it sounds damn bad cause it sounds like i'm not interested.
but thing is i'm really really more interested in going back hk to study so i'm subconsciously doing nothing about my spore uni life. i suck.

well anyway, i hope stella gets well by today. i haven't seen jan, hwee, hy and her for so long. it'll be a great day if we can all go out.
and oh ya. this hsin. she's soooooo cool. she wants to go culinary school!! me too!! but i won't do it la. i think i'll do it more for like interest and stuff...haha

okay. gtg watch travel and living. bye.
oh ya. i'm moving hse soon.